Life is weird.  But fairly good.  I’ve been waiting to write until I felt like I had something to say.  But even now, I’m not exactly sure that I do.

One thing to report is, how much and uniquely weird and healing the exploration of your soul’s dark spots can be…especially ones that we’re accustomed to avoiding, to ignoring, and to denying that even exist.  And it’s even more curious how these dark rondures often come to the foreground amidst transitioning to new places….well, such is the case for me at least.

Yet I’m learning that they, with enough exploration and given enough time, collapse on themselves and leave an echo of endless light.  Kinda cosmic, the soul, huh?  Either that or I need to learn more about black holes…

Also...I’ve been becoming more and more acutely aware of how much of a pensive person I am.  It amazes how much time I spend thinking about thinking, thinking about what I someday want to think about, thinking about what I feel like I should be thinking about, etc. and etc.  I often reach the point of trying to shake my head away from thinking about all that I think about (and worrying that I will run out of time to think about everything I want to think about)…and impart a part of my mother’s simple wisdom of “one day (or thought) at a time.”  Take, for example, everything I’ve recently been thinking and want to further think (and read) about:

• the comsicality of the soul
• the subculture of street life
• the phenomenon of poverty
• the spirituality of poverty
• self-interest and capitalism (and if the socialist revolution is, truly, a continual reform of capitalism)
• radical (as in progressive/inclusive/liberation/centered on social justice) Christian theology and spiritually
• the dynamics of living in community (the community for the self vs. the self for community)
• philosophies of social justice
• cats
• how to manifest one's ideals (and whether that's ever even 100% possible)
  
• Christian mysticism  
• the correlations between faith and social justice
• what I’m doing with my life
• what God would prefer I do with my life (which is always a continual process of discernment)
  
• delusions of romantic love and potentialities of possible romantic, but more grounded, relationships
• the anthropological relevance of quad-rugby
• photosynthesis in chilly, rainy climates (why some plants are “hearty” and others not)
• recipes that use a lot of squash

...and that’s just what I can think of off the top of my head...and does not include every day thoughts of my everyday life and the people who are in it and of the people that I love being in it.

Anyways...this was all rather hilarious to think about, for me at least, HAHA!

Hope all is well with you all!

So…I’m officially a Lutheran Volunteer, living in Tacoma, WA and serving at Nativity House, a homeless daytime shelter.  The above picture here on my website shows Tacoma at dusk.  I walk past the Tacoma Dome (middle left in the picture) everyday when I go to work.  Mt. Rainier is beautifully visible from Tacoma…that is, when it’s not raining, haha. 

I’ve been working for about two weeks now…and it is really interesting…and at times emotionally draining.  You’d think sitting and talking to people, cooking food, and cleaning-up would be rather simple.  And on one level, it is…but sitting, talking, and playing cards takes on a whole new level when the people you're interacting with are mentally ill, drug-addicts, disabled veterans, and otherwise marginalized by our society.  Every day I act as a gatekeeper.  I make sure no one is drinking, using or dealing drugs, pimping or prostituting, or fighting.  I decide when and who to give clothes, food, toiletries, storage space…and even kindness to.  I’m learning that saying “no” is oftentimes the most compassionate thing I can do, especially when some people are heavily relying on manipulation to get the most they can out of me.  And I’m also learning how to withstand human fragilities, even when they take the form of temper tantrums and verbal attacks on my own integrity.

But overall, the majority of our guests are very nice people who simply lack the network of family and friends who are willing and financially able to support them.  If I had a serious mental illness like schizophrenia I wouldn’t be living in on the streets and in shelters; I’m fortunate enough to have a family who’d do their best to care for me.  And if anything ever happened were I was facing financial destitution, I’d hope that I’d have enough sense to let my family help me if they could…which sadly, isn’t always the case with many of our guests. 

I know it’s probably not as simple as that for many of our guests, but it surprises me how often it is. Combine that with a societal system that disadvantages certain people from birth…then it really isn’t surprising how a cycle and culture of poverty exists in the richest country on earth. 

I think about all of this and more, everyday while I’m at work...and even on my days off.  I’ll definitely keep posting my thoughts as they arise.

Otherwise, so far life here in WA is pretty neat.  I love my housemates and living in an intentional community.  I love our garden and our discussions about how to further live simply.  I love the mild weather here…and so far haven’t minded the rain.  One way, though, that everything could be insanely better here, would consist of me having a cat companion…haha…oh how I love and miss my kitty cats!!

Well, I think that’s all I have that’s fit to print for now.  I’ll leave y’all with a quote that was written in the front cover of a book given to me by one of our guests:

“I believe the people of today do not think that the poor are like them as human beings.  They look down on them.  But if they had that deep respect for the dignity of poor people, I am sure it would be easy for them to come closer to them and to see that they are children of God, and they have as much right to the things of life and of love and of service as anybody else.”  

- Mother Teresa

[Currently listening to Next Lips by Drew Grow - if you're going to spend some money on music anytime soon, Next Lips should be it.]

Soooooo...

I don’t know really what to write, other than that this summer has been interesting.  I’ve traveled to the Twin Cities and Las Vegas.  I’ve been working part time at my local veterinary hospital, where I worked during high school.  I’ve spent some really good, fun, and refreshing time with Nicole, Abby, and Alex.  And soon I will leave Northern Indiana for quite sometime.

And my head has been full of reverberating memories of the last past weeks...the people I’ve met, the conversations I’ve had, the places I've went, and little minuscule details I’ve seen.  I’ve also been pondering what it means to forgive, how Jesus can profoundly work throughout that process.  I’ve pondered egoism and humility.  And the delusions of romantic love.  I’ve wondered at all the ways people (my self included) mindlessly and mindfully engage and participate in unjust systems.  I’ve questioned how does God love ‘the unlovable’... and why humans have a habit of ‘throwing away’ the people who love and truly care for us...

and I’ve sighed with frustrations heavy on my breath.  Frustrations with the painful ways that the world, my family, my friends, and I function.  Yet, no matter how frustrated, hurt, depressed, or angry I get, the beauty of it all - all of this life - is constantly before me...constantly in the space vibrating between me and the immeasurable sky...in the space between me and you.  How do I explain?  Like Renoir said, “The pain passes but the beauty remains.”

Funny how three small paragraphs can sum up two months.

: much love and peace :